Thursday, 10 October 2013

Universal Truths....(probably*)

The one day you walk the dog without a "poo bag" in your pocket is the day that the dog will choose to stop for its business right in front of the bus-stop queue.

There are more people driving like idiots on a Wednesday than any other day of the week.

If you do something because you think it will impress others, rather than because "it suits you", then it will be obvious to everyone that you're not comfortable with it.

Bacon cooking is the smell most likely to make a vegetarian wonder whether they did the right thing by giving up meat.

There are not so many red cars on the road as there used to be.

Everything expands to fill the space available for it with the exception of money in your purse.

A small child will always choose the quietest moment possible to say the embarrassing thing they've been storing up VERY loudly.

You never forget anything entirely unimportant.

If you're going to slip and fall, there is NEVER nobody watching.

If you do slip and fall, none of the people watching will bother to check if you're OK.

You never find out about the traffic jam until you're already stuck in it.

The most annoying thing on the road is the overhead sign telling you your speed is limited to 40mph, when you're crawling along at 20mph.

The second most annoying thing is obeying the overhead sign telling you to limit your speed to 40mph, on an absolutely clear road, with everyone whizzing past you.

If a horse is going to throw you off, it will always search out a patch of nettles to deposit you into if at all possible.

The shot you delete by accident from the camera memory card will always have been better than it's apparently identical partner, that you left behind.

That thing that you think is a secret a) probably isn't and b)  nine times out of ten those you're "not telling" wouldn't care anyway!

A cat that's allowed to sleep on your bed will immediately claim it as HER bed, and will then proceed to lie right where you want to put your legs, and refuse to budge.

Coats, Jackets, tailored trousers : Buy the best you can afford

Smart shoes & boots : buy what fits, and is comfortable

Basic tee-shirts & tops, and knickers : Buy cheap & replace often

Your feet will not, in the long run, thank you for walking long distances in unsupportive footwear, no matter how cute or trendy.

Take a coat. No, really. You'll just be cold otherwise.

If the thing you're doing makes you feel uncomfortable with yourself, just stop.

There is a HUGE difference between "I can't afford..." and "I choose not to afford..."

Just because something has a trendy label, that doesn't make you better than other folk for wearing it.

A "Things To Do" list never has nothing on it...

Slamming the drawer of a filing cabinet in anger simply ensures that it will bounce back at you with twice the force. (No, not me!)

Speaking with someone "terribly" well spoken on the telephone ensures that within seconds you sound like you're trying to do a poor imitation of a posh person, at which point their voice gains a slight "are they taking the P*** out of me?" note.

*some of them may be more observation, than fact, based! ;-)

Go on then - what are yours?



Scarlet said...

I couldn't agree more about the 'affordability'!
One of mine is-
Why, when I don't have money to spend do I see all kinds of things that I would love to buy, but when I have the money I can't find what I'm looking for?
This seems to have been happening more and more often as I act as taxi service and trolley pusher for my Mum!

dreamer said...

The "affordability" one jumped out at me too!
Great list :)

One of mine:

Why does the toilet roll ALWAYS have to run out on MY visit to the loo? Do men get special training on how to manage to always leave just one sheet of paper on the roll?

Wendy said...

Wonderful! I do recognise so many of these. I especially love the last one about the posh 'telephone' voice.
I must go away and think about my own list!

BarnsleyHistorian said...

The bus that you didn't run for because it was too far away will only leave the stop just as you reach it.

The cat (and I agree entirely with the bed one) will ask to go out five minutes after you have turned off the bedside light and are almost asleep.

Marksgran said...

hahaha, I love these and I agree with most. Mine is You will ALWAYS meet someone you went to school/college with when you look like you just fell out of bed and you will NEVER meet anyone you wish you could when you look great!

Robyn said...

Fab comments Ladies - and yes, I agree, ALL of those you've mentioned should be added to the list!

Oh, and L - the cat can just s*d off and use her litter tray when that happens here! ;-)