After the death of Caroline Flack, it was everywhere - social media influencers, celebrities, and the (wo)man in the street, you name it, all exhorting us to “be kind” along with - of course - the trending ever higher hashtag to ensure maximum exposure. I’m absolutely certain that some of those who talked at length about Flack’s sad story genuinely were devastated by it, meant every word of what they said and have learned from it and lived by it since - but equally, there were a lot of folk who jumped on that bandwagon purely for the hashtag. It was trendy - everyone wanted to use it. That it was for a while at least the most trending tag on social media inevitably means that people actively look for a reason to use it - hot topics equal more followers, and that, for some folk, is the holy grail.
Shortly after Flack’s death, the Covid pandemic hit, and for a while, it felt as though we were “all in it together” - pretty much everyone was immersed in their own fears about the virus, rumours of lockdowns and preparing for what was rapidly starting to feel like the world sliding out of our control. The kindness held - party politics, usually such a hotbed of vitriol, was even effectively suspended for a while as everyone focused on what we could ALL do, together, to try to defeat this insidious foe that was running rampant through our communities. That side of things was never going to be a permanent state of affairs, indeed, politics can’t operate effectively without a degree of animosity at least, but the suspension of hostilities was exactly what we needed at the time...
Since then, the kindness seems to have seeped away. Perhaps the most recent example of quite how much - at a public level at least - was the fallout from the Oprah Winfrey interview with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, when Meghan’s discussion of her mental health issues lead to a torrent of abuse and suggestions that she was lying. As someone subsequently pointed out, the Duchess won’t see all those people on social media claiming she was “attention seeking” - but any friends of theirs who may have had suicidal thoughts in the past, will. Closer to home, a few weeks ago I found myself on the fringes of a conversation about the wording people are using about their feelings towards the ending of lockdown restrictions. One person ventured the view that they really disliked people saying “I won’t be rushing to go out!” - suggesting that instead they should simply admit that they are scared of the virus, scared to emerge from behind their front doors. My first reaction was that it’s far from that straightforward - I for one am looking forward to meeting up with friends, going to the rugby club or a pub for beers again, but after a year of relative solitude, the thought of going back into bigger gatherings or crowds currently fills me with panic. Nothing to do with the virus, everything to do with social anxiety, made worse by a year of not having to put myself in positions which challenge that. Much as I probably should have challenged the broad-brush assumption that everyone feeling apprehensive about a return to the old normal is a covid-paranoid coward, I bit my tongue and stepped away - this person has “form” for turning on people who disagree with their often strong views on particular subjects, and turning in them in an underhand way at that, while still aiming to maintain their facade to others. Quite honestly at the moment I don’t feel mentally resilient enough to risk that - much as I feel slightly ashamed for not having been prepared to make the point.
Both the examples there indicate to me quite how far we as a society have to go with discussion and acceptance around mental health issues, too. While things like Mental Health Awareness Week have gained traction with much coverage on social media (back to that question of the trendy hashtag again, perhaps!) when it comes to real life confronting us, people are much more cynical and reductive. Fine for depression and anxiety to exist, fine to say “people should talk about it” but suddenly not fine when people DO talk about it, or when it doesn’t fit the comfortable mould that they feel it should. If people really want to be kind, rather than extending their unsympathetic opinion, they could simply keep quiet. And rather than generalising and passing judgement on the way someone chooses to phrase things, they could just accept that there are all sorts of reasons people might be feeling a bit phased by things at the moment. And if #BeKind was more than a way of making yourself look good on social media, that’s exactly what would happen...
Robyn
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